


Études (the ~*FRANZ LISZT!!!1!*~ featuring F. Chopin remixes)

by misura



Category: Hark! A Vagrant
Genre: M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-20
Updated: 2011-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-27 22:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/300669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tracks include 'Liszt on Chopin', 'the Very Secret Diaries of Franz Liszt' and assorted others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Études (the ~*FRANZ LISZT!!!1!*~ featuring F. Chopin remixes)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xenakis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenakis/gifts).



> um. I have nothing to say about this, except that it wasn't my fault.
> 
> almost entirely based on [this](http://harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=302) comic

**Chopin on Liszt:**

"But why does he have so many pairs of gloves?"

 

 **from: _the Very Secret Diary of Franz Liszt_**

Number of gloves torn apart by female fans today: 36  
Number of glovemakers in Paris willing to take orders of just one glove: 0

Clearly, must start fashion to wear unmatching gloves.

 

 **Liszt on Chopin:**

"But why does he refuse to believe me when I tell him wearing unmatching gloves is quite hip? He is so ungrateful whenever I give him fashion tips."

 

 **on Camille Saint-Saens:**

"The greatest organist in the world, fine, but does he play the piano?"

"I know, right?"

 

 **on Chopin's technique:**

"It's a piano, not your hair!"

 

 **on Chopin's technique (2):**

"My friend, people watch you play and think of ... of kissing their spouse. Without tongue. On the cheek."

"..."

"When people watch _me_ , they think of passion! Torrid love-affairs! Epic romances that end tragically!"

" ... but at least I still have all my gloves?"

"Psh."

 

 **on Chopin's technique (3):**

"Was that the wind, or were you just playing the piano?"

 

 **from: _the Very Secret Diary of Franz Liszt_**

Number of gloves torn apart by female fans of Chopin: 0  
Number of gloves torn apart by female fans of me: 41  
Number of matching gloves remaining in glove drawer that belong to Chopin: 17  
Number of matching gloves remaining in glove drawer that belong to me: 3

Glovemakers remain stubborn. Am v. vexed re: glovemakers.

Still, the prettiest though. Also: the smartest, the most charming, the best, and so on, etcetera.

 

 **on music in Rome:**

" - and it's not that I don't like God or anything. Or the Saints. Can't forget the Saints. Nobody does dramatic death scenes like the Saints. Bunch of crazy buggers."

"I believe I may have played a piece or two about Saints."

"Right. But, you know, sometimes, a guy just wants to compose a little something about some chick named Maria, know what I mean?"

"I'm sure there are some quite fetching females out there bearing that name."

"And how she's in love with this guy whose father really hates _her_ father, and they can't tell anyone about their love and it's all very Romeo and Juliet, except better. And also there's singing."

"Have you considered going more for something a little more simple. Like, hello, Maria, how nice to see you today. Isn't the heaven looking lovely today? How are you doing?"

"Well, no, that's just boring. I mean, where's the passion in _that_?"

 

 **on Liszt's technique:**

"My friend, whenever I sit in a train and I feel the way it sets every bone in my body rattling, it is like inspiration pouring into my very soul. _That_ is what music must be like. The violence! The volume! The way it is quite impossible to concentrate on anything else!"

"I like walking."

 

 **from: _the Very Secret Diary of Franz Liszt_**

Number of times someone has thrown underwear at me while in Rome: 1, but it was an accident and I wasn't even playing the piano or anything at the time and his hair was just _terrible_ and I keep hearing these ridiculous rumors about my good friend Chopin having hooked up with some hussy, which is clearly untrue, given that _I'm_ not hooking up with any hussies

Must think of use for gloves, other than wearing them. Also: must go to place where there are more hussies. Strongly suspect there aren't any in Rome.

 

 **Chopin on Liszt:**

"Loud. Very loud and theatrical and dramatic and also rather good, I guess, if you like that sort of thing, which, all right, I guess I maybe sort of do, but really, sometimes I'm watching him do his thing and I'm all like: dude, get a room or something, know what I mean?"

 

 **Liszt on Chopin:**

"Not a hussy, but kind of sweet and cute and quiet in a vaguely annoying sort of way, because how am I ever going to _know_ I'm better than he is (like, for sure) when he insists on being all different and only playing for people who think that when someone gives you their glove, it's because you want to shake their hand, which is just, like, totally icky."

 

 **from: _the Very Secret Diary of Franz Liszt_**

HANDKERCHIEFS!

Am a genius.

Knew this already.

 

 **Chopin on Liszt:**

"I guess he caught a cold or something - I mean, what's he going to do with a hundred silk handkerchiefs? Unless he's decided to become a magician or something. Well, it would be a lot quieter, I guess, unless he was going to blow things up on stage or something. He's probably going to blow things up on stage or something. Joy."

 

 **Liszt on Chopin:**

"Still not a hussy. I must be losing my touch. Or maybe he's just pining quietly. I bet that's it. Really, he needs to work on that."

 

 **on the Hexameron:**

"Yes, I do understand it's for charity, but I still think inviting all these other people is going too far. I mean, it might be different if all they wanted to do was _listen_."

 

 **on the Hexameron (2):**

"Thalberg said _what_? All right, that's it - pistols at dawn tomorrow, or pianos right here, right now. Loser is a rotten egg, and I get Chopin."

 

 **on the Hexameron (3):**

"My friend, I have written a small coda to your part. I'm sure you don't mind. After all, this work is supposed to be a group project, and yet only four of the nine parts were written by me. Clearly that would never do. We need to impress people here! Make them fork over some cash for - what was that good cause the concert was for again? Well, never mind."

 

 **Chopin on Liszt:**

[insert sex scene here]*

 **Chopin on Liszt, reprise:**

"If only he put half as much effort into sex as in playing the piano ..."

 

 **Liszt on Chopin:**

[insert another sex scene here]**

 **Liszt on Chopin, reprise:**

"I say, I do think he was having me on about there being an audience behind that curtain to 'watch the performance'. How rude. Unless, of course, they left already, but no, impossible. The only one I heard calling for an encore was Chopin, and he hardly counts."

 

 _notes_

* Admit it: you were thinking it yourself, the first time you read the words 'Chopin on Liszt'.

** Because anything that was maybe sort of funny once is never as funny the second time around. Oh well.


End file.
